Monday, August 24, 2009

My Ode to the O.G.

The devil has tried contacting me. Over and over again, he sends his message. Taunting me. Tempting me. Seducing me with his carefully planned out, cunning scheme.

That’s right – I have recently seen a haunting series of Olive Garden’s Never Ending Pasta Bowl food porn commercials. That dirty devil knows exactly what he’s doing.

Seriously, I don’t think I know a single person who does not like the Olive Garden. Who isn’t captivated by it. Who doesn’t crave it at least once a day month.

The breadsticks and salads and soups – the perquisite – as if we’re being lavishly rewarded for our premium choice of the dinner locale. And let us also not forget the sweet minty treats that unfold from the shiny wrappers and send us happily into our food comas.

As soon as the commercials begin, I imagine myself as one of the confused patrons, babbling about which meal to choose. But then my character stands up, boldly walks into the kitchen and swims naked in the vat of warm noodles. You don’t even want to know what happens next at the meatball station… What? I was gonna say that I pack the perfect meatball, geesh.

And then to tempt us with never ending bowls? Are they kidding? I’m still trying to figure out a way to spend an entire week there. Without leaving. Or showering. Even after my laps around the Olympic-size noodle pool.

If you are anti-O.G., please share your secret. Maybe one thing someone says will help pull me away from the magnetic green, glowing sign. From trying to convert Jace into being a believer. It’s already too late for Lanie.

She truly believes that when she’s there, she’s family.


  1. Yum. Yum. Yum. Love the OG. Did I tell you that I spent my last dinner in NYC at the OG in Times Square? Now thats devotion.

  2. So that's why we meet up at OG?

  3. I love OG too. Except I wish that when my family ate at OG we looked like the commercial with all the laughing folks. Most times it's just plain boring color on the kids menus or playing games on my iPhone. Alas.


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