Thursday, August 20, 2009

Sicky Nicky's Top Ten List

I’m sick. I have some sort of cold/sinus infection that snuck up on me and hit me like a ton of bricks. Fortunately, I’m the only one the illness has affected – my daughter and husband missed it entirely and my son had a brief stint with it all. This is a good thing, because one sick person seems to consume most of me. Not that I ever mind holding, wiping, hugging, staying up all hours with or holding hair back for any of them, but it is exhausting.

Typically, the order of sickness falls with Lanie then Blake then Jace then me. By the time I’m sick, a month’s time has passed and I have not one ounce of energy to care. And that’s why being a sick mama is one of my least favorite roles.

My top ten list why I hate being a sick mother:

1) Exhaustion. Little restful sleep + still fulfilling all responsibilities puts me on fake-energy overload. I find myself dozing off and face-planting into the pot of green beans before dinner. Picture the Saved By the Bell episode where Jesse takes the caffeine pills to stay awake to study for her midterms and then has a mental breakdown.
2) Smell. If I can’t smell, I also can’t detect the status of my 2 year old’s diaper. It doesn’t make me the popular mom while crop dusting all other Target shoppers. I must rely on dirty glances or Lanie shouting, “Mom, Jace’s poop stinks!”
3) No voice. How am I supposed to continue my yelling at the kids with no voice? I really need to be able to make the aware of my dismay with shouting.
4) Snot.
5) Groggy. I sometimes feel like my house is being destroyed by the children as I sit in the midst of all of it, not caring. Books all over the floor, toys in the non-toy rooms and dirty dishes left on the table from yesterday. When I’m groggy, anything goes. I just let it all happen around me as I drool and have a slight smirk.
6) (Lack of) Drugs. Er, I mean medicine. Because I do have to function as a responsible person, I can’t even enjoy any of the legal, over-the-counter cold medicines. The ones that make you feel tingly and see little trolls all over the room when the kids try to stir you in the middle of the day. Uh, I mean night.
7) No taste. I feel like I’m somehow cheating on my beloved coffee. And I can’t even taste the candy I sneak after telling the kids sugar is bad at 6 o’clock at night.
8) Being untouchable. If I’m sick, I don’t want to pass along my germs, so I try to stay at least 3 feet away from the family. This means no kisses or hugs, which makes me awfully sad. Of course, this also means no kid drool or hand goo touching me, which, now that I think about it, really is a perk!
9) The sweats. When I am sick with a fever, all I want to do is find any tile in the house, get nearly-naked and lie down on those cool squares of sweet relief. Apparently, this is inappropriate and offensive to my children and visitors.
…and the number 10 reason why I hate being a sick mom: Because I realize that commercial that claimed “when mom gets sick, everything goes to hell in a hand basket” (in so many words) is oh-so true. And because I know that when I get better, the long road to life and home restoration begins…

1 comment:

  1. When moms get sick, it is NEVER as serious as when the man in the house or kids are sick. I got so sick a few years back that no one even noticed or cared that the pnuemonia I had was so serious that I was hallucinating due to lack of oxygen. No one thought it was strange that I was talking with the Ompah Loompahs crawling in my bedroom window and jumping into my TV.. I still to this day swear they were there.. I even drove myself to the hospital stopping to exchange cars with my ex at his place of employement. I had to get a new car because of course there were gremlins swimming in the first car.. My ex didnt seem to think there was any problem with me hallucinating and driving.. And he is a cop.. LOL



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